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Tuesday, February 1st, 2005

G-Hawg Day!

Welcome to G-Hawg day! This is the day that Google’s team of accountants make their highly anticipated Q4 Report.

At 4:30 PM Eastern, or 1:30PM Pacific, a Google accountant will lift his head high above his low-fat latte. According to folk-legend, if the bright TV lights produce a shadow behind the accountant, we’re in for six weeks of financial instability in the market. If, on the other hand, the accountant does not see his shadow, many Google share holders will be in for two week vacations somewhere warmer than here.

In a report to be issued very soon, the Washington DC based think tank, Alexis de Tocqueville Institution, claims that Linus Torvalds is not the original author of the open-source movement’s premier software. According to the president of the Institution, Kenneth Brown, Linux was created on the back of, “…intellectual property often taken or adapted without permission from material owned by other companies and individuals.”

According to the EWeek article from writer Steven J. Vaughan-Nichols, Torvalds’ response to the allegation is,

“OK, I admit it. I was just a front man for the real fathers of Linux: the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus. They (for obvious reasons) couldn’t step forward to admit that they had gotten bitten by the computer bug and had been developing a series of operating systems on their own during the off-season.

“But when they started with Linux (which they originally called Freax, they do feel like outsiders, you know, and that’s a whole sad story in itself), they felt that they could no longer just let it languish in obscurity.

“They started to look for a front man, and since Santa Claus is from Finland, and thus has connections to Helsinki University, and the Easter Bunny claimed, ‘He’s got good ears, if a bit small,’ I got selected.

“Since then, I’ve lived a life of subterfuge, always afraid that somebody would find out the truth. I’m actually relieved that it’s over, and that the Alexis de Tocqueville Institution has finally uncovered the lie. I can now go back to my chosen profession, the exploration of the fascinating mating dance of the aquatic African frog.”

We couldn’t let this one go past without sharing it. Apparently, the Sicilian village of Canneto di Caronia has experienced three weeks that could have come from a Stephen King novel. Their cyber-appliances such as refrigerators, toasters and televisions have been mysteriously exploding, for no reason whatsoever. If the explosions were isolated incidents or had only happened in one home, there might be an explanation for the things that go boom in the night, however, twelve houses have been ravaged by fire and the entire town has been evacuated. Read more…

As the Swinburne University’s astronomy department recently found out, having your site appear as a top search result is not necessarily a good thing! In fact, if you are not prepared to be number one, it can bring your server to a crashing halt when swamped by unexpected requests! Read more…

Some watch the Super Bowl for the excitement of a winner-take-all battle of gladiators. Some people watch the Super Bowl for the commercials. As almost everyone knows, those of us who watched the Super Bowl this year got to see something a little more revealing than the lingerie bowl. During the MTV organized half-time show, singer Justin Timberlake tore Janet Jackson’s top off, exposing her right breast on live TV. Read more…

Please understand that this poem is tongue-in-cheek and that our staff is working harder than elves on a deadline. I needed to take some liberties with reality to make the poem work. It’s Christmas and my friends got together and bought me an artistic license. I thought I’d use it… :) Happy Yule y’all!

Read more…

Happy Thanksgiving to our friends in the United States. American Thanksgiving marks the beginning of the end of the previous year and the start of the holiday season. It is the perfect time to kick back, visit family and friends and reminisce about the year gone past. It is also a great time to look forward to the coming year and have a little fun. That’s what our staff wanted to do today so here is our predictions for the State of Search, 2004.

* Google will issue an IPO in March (odds = 99%) via the Dutch Auction format. (odds = 50%) Google will make billions on the IPO and will purchase the financially strapped Calgary Flames Hockey club, move them to the Silicone Valley and rename them the Silicone Flameouts. (odds = 5%)

* We will see a continuance of large mergers, takeovers and buyouts until the end of the first quarter of 2004. More of the smaller players will be absorbed by the larger ones including at least a portion of ASK.Com. (odds = 60%). Jeeves himself will be found drunk in an alley behind the Stardust Lounge on Rodeo Dr. slumped over his friend, that other unemployed mascot from Pets.Com (odds = 5%)

* Yahoo will become the dominant search service in China (odds = 85%) and will become known as the “Portal to the World’s Largest Marketplace” (odds = 65%)

* Terra Lycos will surprise the search world with successful innovations and services. (odds = 99%) Furthermore, Lycos will become one of the top international search tools with a strong focus on European and Spanish Language search technologies. (odds = 55%)

* Contextual Advertising opportunities will expand, allowing more opportunities for the advertiser to become the advertising medium for other ads. (odds = 85%)

* Asian language SEOs will be a driving force of the SEO industry as the focus of the international economy continues to move from North America to Asia. (odds = 75%)

* The Toronto Maple Leafs will finally win the Stanley Cup. (odds = .05%)

* Google will be officially labeled a weapon of mass destruction based on the recent Florida update. (odds = 99%)

* Non-Spammy results will be found at Google very soon. (odds = 10%)

* Every major search engine will introduce their own tool-bars. (odds = 90%)

* MSN will make a major purchase, possibly ASK.Com’s TEOMA (odds = 50%)

* StepForth Placement will expand to double it’s current size and staff (odds = 80%+)

* StepForth Placement will add a new division (details pending, odds = 100%)