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Monday, April 4th, 2011

Top 10 Most Ridiculous Spam Comments Received

 

a picture of a man making the shape of the letter L with his hand for "Loser" and the rest of the picture says "Comment Spam"

Every day simpletons who think they are very clever visit our web site marketing blog and post completely useless, and often amusing comments. Their goal is to get links back to their website (or their clients) by making the post look personalized and legitimate. Sadly, they are almost always painfully daft, nonsensical, grammatically retarded posts. What is even worse is if they had half a clue they would have discovered our blog comment area blocks all outgoing links; thus they are wasting their time to start with. Anyway, over the past year I thought it would be fun to collect some of the best postings before I nuked them from our database and here is a selection of the 10 best.

WARNING: Reading this article may cause impairment of mental ability!

StepForth’s “Top 10 Most Rediculous Spam Comments Received” may be associated with fatigue, dizziness, lightheadedness, fainting or blurred vision. Please exercise caution or avoid operating machinery, including automobiles, following the visual digestion of this article.
>> Minor List of Side Effects

# 1. I wish I remembered which article this was sourced from. Whatever it was, it clearly had relevance.

“Blog looks really good mate, keep it up! I keep shedding the pounds thanks to information like this and my studies on resveratrol.”

# 2. I was really dressed down on this one… what prose!

“Throughout this great design of things you get an A+ for effort and hard work. Exactly where you actually lost me was first in your facts. You know, it is said, the devil is in the details… And it could not be more correct at this point. Having said that, allow me reveal to you just what exactly did do the job. Your article (parts of it) is actually really convincing which is probably why I am taking an effort in order to opine. I do not really make it a regular habit of doing that. Second, even though I can certainly see the leaps in reason you make, I am not necessarily convinced of exactly how you appear to connect your details which help to make your conclusion. For now I shall subscribe to your issue however trust in the foreseeable future you actually connect the dots much better.”

# 3. Ironically it was a comment on our post “Email Scams to Watch For

“Nice, good post. I’ve found your blog via Yahoo and I’m really glad about the information you provide in your articles. I’ve read some of your articles and subscribed to your blog by adding your”

Yes, it was left at that… I wanted so much more!

# 4. Um… wha?

“Arthritis in your pooch can be a huge hassle that many people never even think of in senior dogs.”

It turns out their super advanced spamming system thought our article was about dogs because it referred to the meta search engine Dogpile. I am surprised it wasn’t about incontinence…

# 5. Wow, this is some excellent optimization! I bet their site ranks REALLY well for Footzy Rolls… a highly competitive term for sure.

“If you are one of the multitude that has seen Footzy Rolls and is trying to find the best place to buy footzy rolls site at http://www.<>.tt here you will find plenty of information about footzy rolls and where you sould be buying your footzyrolls for the best possible price.”

# 6. In response to Enough with the “SEO is Dead” Crap we recently received this insightful comment:

“Whats up very nice web site!! Guy .. Beautiful .. Amazing .. I will bookmark your blog and take the feeds additionally…I’m satisfied to seek out numerous helpful info right here within the publish, we’d like work out more techniques on this regard, thanks for sharing. . . . . .”

While reading I felt my IQ drop a point.

# 7. I know you will be shocked when I tell you “computer battery” was a link.

“Fantastic post! You’ve created some very significant statements and I appreciate the time you’ve taken within your composing. It’s simple to find that you simply have an understanding of what you are discussing about. I’m searching frontward to learning a lot more of your sites posts. Where i can buy computer battery.”

# 8. This piece of junk is a duzy… a LOT of links were removed and it was in response to Enough with the “SEO is Dead” Crap.

“The late 1980s, Doudoune Moncler into the downhill, repeatedly failed reorganization plan ultimately to sell half its stake in the Italian clothing business Remo Ruffini.

And the exotic new chairman and chief creative director of the building under its feet again. Not the Italian people perhaps not today Doudoune moncler sale. New chairman worked hard and gradually shape essential Moncler Femme will be skiing for the city’s modern fashion. To this end, he occasion to many high-end luxury brands and fashion to their Doudoune Moncler Homme. In 2002, to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the Pull Moncler homme introduced advanced custom down fashion series.

The late 1980s, Doudoune Moncler into the downhill, repeatedly failed reorganization plan ultimately to sell half its stake in the Italian clothing business Remo Ruffini.And the exotic new chairman and chief creative director of the building under its feet again. Not the Italian people perhaps not today Doudoune moncler sale.New chairman worked hard and gradually shape essential Moncler Femme will be skiing for the city’s modern fashion.To this end, he occasion to many high-end luxury brands and fashion to their Doudoune Moncler Homme.In 2002, to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the Pull Moncler homme introduced advanced custom down fashion series.”

# 9. In response to Is Your Website Search Engine Friendly? Your Personal Checklist we got:

“if i end up getting a ticket to the super bowl…and we’re already doing a set at the afterparty…wow. happy new year!”

# 10. Last but not least, my favourite IS:

“Hey, located your internet site by accident accomplishing a research on Yahoo but I?ll undoubtedly be coming again. ? How can I think in God when only last week I acquired my tongue caught in the roller of an electrical typewriter?”


RECOMMENDATION: Rest of at least 30 days is recommended after reading this article before conducting any strenuous mental activity.


Possible Side Effects of Reading: StepForth’s “Top 10 Most Rediculous Spam Comments Received

In 181 patients who fully read this article most commonly reported adverse events were asthenic conditions (65%), nausea (64%), diarrhea (54%), decreased appetite including anorexia (41%), constipation (43%),thrombocytopenia (43%), peripheral neuropathy (37%), pyrexia (36%), vomiting (36%), and anemia (32%). Fourteen percent of patients experienced at least one episode of Grade 4 toxicity, with the most common toxicities being thrombocytopenia (2%) and neutropenia (4%). A total of 113 (50%) of the 181 patients experienced Serious Adverse

Events (SAEs) during studies. The most commonly reported SAEs included pyrexia (7%), pneumonia (7%), diarrhea (6%), vomiting (5%), dehydration (5%), and nausea (4%).


12 Responses to “Top 10 Most Ridiculous Spam Comments Received”

  1. blue widgets

    Ross (editor) here: I had to include this since it is such a perfect start to the comments… of course the links were removed and left as italics :-D

    I really appreciated the thought that went into this piece! It is the same type of thought we made when dreaming of our blue widget empire biscuits.
    One of these day’s we’ll have to meet to employ some of our shared interests in blue widgets and bardot empire biscuits.

    yours most truly
    bluew

  2. Summer

    Loved every answer its hilarious specially the computer battery thing, so desktops have batteries? thought batteries are used for laptops? hehe!.

    #8 is not a comment but a rewritten article using an article rewriting tool. actually all ten seems like they came from a rewriting tool.

  3. Resty Oaks

    Oh my god, I almost fell in my chair while reading this post. I can’t believe people are commenting that way and will publish it over the net without thinking that there are lots of people who might read their post. I know that they are so huge to get rid, but I guess by moderating your blog post would be the most effective way to find out if there ?is a? non related and spam type of comment in your post. Set notification that will send a message in your email to know if there is a new comment.

  4. Andrew

    I’ve received this on my blog, it was stopped by Akismet:

    “I’m tired with this, should you spam my web site and even blog site one more instance I am going to complain of yourself!”

    And his username links to some fake antivirus site… Yeah.

  5. Mark

    Wonderful, especially the last one! I just pulled some from our website – my favourites are…

    “Thank God! Someone with barins speaks!”

    “Alakazaam-infomration found, problem solved, thanks!”

    And my favourite…

    “If my problem was a Death Star, this article is a pohotn torpedo.”

    Hail to the spammers!

  6. Ross Dunn

    LOL! Nice ones for sure :-D

  7. Lili

    Thanks to this article. Just fyi, i received 2-3 spam comments like per day. Which most of them have nothing to do with my posts even at my disclosure page.. Ive just start a new blog. after i read this, i know what to do now. need to get rid of spams n put no follow attributes. vomit. Lol

  8. Amy

    At least we’re willing to get a good laugh from the spam, but still a great deal of work to sort through.

    Ugg boots bots comes through our area over 100 times a day. hehe

  9. Jack

    LOL. Correct the spelling of “Ridiculous”. 8 responses and nobody noticed this!

  10. Ross Dunn

    LOL! Thanks and… doh!

  11. McNab

    The best one I’ve had was;

    “If my problem was the Death Star, then this post is a photon torpedo….”

    Naturally it went on to link to some dubious faux-pharmaceutical products but a great opener.

  12. Ross Dunn

    Haha that rocks! Thanks for sharing McNab!

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